The Story of the Dumb and the Dumber
by Pantalaimon-Cho-Chang
Summary: Will's stupid as a rock, Kirjava has an attitude, Lyra....I dunno and Pantalaimon loves grapes PLZ R&R!
1. Will Kirjava and the Guests

"OUCH!" Will dropped heavily onto a bare patch of ground, he started to rub his behind to numb the pain a bit. He turned to his daemon, Kirjava, to see if she knew anything more than he did but apparently she knew as much as he did, being in the same body, "Soul Author," Kirjava replied haughtily, "What ever," I replied with attitude, "That was a mighty weird trip mate," Will said in a Australian accent, wait, Will doesn't have an Australian accent? Does he? The world will never know. "How many licks does it take to the center of a tootsie pop?" Kirjava replied, "Hey, whose the author here you or me?" I directed at Kirjava, "You are," she replied haughtily. Well...back to the story. Then Will and Kirjava walked around in circles, he had been in other worlds before but he had never soared through the 564th dimension, or was it the 264th? "The world may never know," Will finished, "Hey that was my line!" Kirjava hmph-ed but she couldn't get mad at another part of her body easily-that just wouldn't be right. So then Kirjava asked Will what they should do, Will replied, "Hmmm, let's eat a tootsie pop!" Kirjava rolled her eyes with Lord Ariel, "Where'd you come from," Will shot at him, Lord Ariel was a bit discombobled so he just walked away licking a stick, Kirjava rolled her eyes again, "Let's get govin' Vill, we don't govt all day," Kirjava went on with a Russian Accent, "Wait, when did you have a Russian Accent Kirjava?" Will looked at her confused, "Never mind that, let's get going, you can bring that tootsie pop with you if you'd like...." Will squealed a squeal of delight and followed Kirjava licking his lollipop viciously. Now Kirjava rolled her eyes with Lee, well the atoms of Lee in the air, I think, then they floated away to see if he could find Lyra. Kirjava got a bright idea, BLING (a light bulb was supposed to light up) "Hey! Light bulbs are sooooo the 21st century Author!" "Umm, Kirjava, this is the 21st century," I replied looking uncertain at Kirjava, "Whatever Author!" she stormed away and snapped, "Are you coming or not Will?" "Well you still haven't told me what your great idea was yet," Will answered icily, I interrupted and hissed lightly into his ear, "Will, you're connected to her, your supposed to know what she is thinking," I coughed, "Suci," and ran out of the picture, I showed up again and whispered, "Sorry people," "Okey Dokey then......" then they went to find Lyra. Lyra's story is the next chapter They searched around the barren area to see if there was a possibility if Lyra was there, "Is she over near that rock?" Will asked, Kirjava went and checked, "Nope-cuz it's a boulder you freak a nature! Besides if Lyra was there she woulda ran here and collided wif you and then you would hav a great reunion wif your......" Kirjava slows down to add emphasis to her words and pronounces every syllable slowly, "Girl-fri-end," she added a mocking tone in it, "Well," Will was raking his brain, searching for a come-back, "Well, I guess Pantalaimon wouldn't see you very amazin', just cuz you got, got, got....umm," Will struggled for words to describe it, "Umm, You WUV HIM!" "Well, seein that we are in the same body," "Soul," wheezed Mad-Eye Moody, "Hey! Where'd you come from, you're not even in any of the His Dark Materials books?! You're from Harry Potter!!!!" Kirjava glared at him while Will stood there watching the Mad- Eye licking at his Tootsie until it was gone, "Kirjava," "Yes," she replied without looking away from the Mad-Eye as if staring at him would make him go away, then thinking that it would be a very important question she turned around. She saw Will licking his fingers so he got every bit of taste in the stick of the once lollipop, he said, "Do you hava 'mother wawipop?" Kirjava smacked her forehead then rubbed it because it started to smart, "1+1=2" recited the forehead, then Harry Potter smacked his butt, "Wait, that didn't sound right!" exclaimed Will, "I know that," I replied coolly, "The point is to make Harry Potter seem dumb to HDM cuz it is......um....not exactly better but since this is a HDM fic, you might as well say so," "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh," they all replied in unison, "Err, what's Harry Potter?" "Harry asked the dumbest question of the century," Simon Cowell answered matter-of-factly, "You must be the most horrible of all the singers, and the dumbest," "Err....Who brought him here, American Idol isn't even a book it's a movie!" said Will puzzled, "TV show dawg," corrected Randy Jackson, "Watever," said Kirjava with a attitude, "Talk to da hand, yep that's right!" Will asked, "Hey Author! Will you get on wif it and ferget bout all these other peeps!" "Sure," a voice replied coolly, only it wasn't mine, it was VOLDY'S (Read EvilSeamonkey's Fic, the Evil Threesome fer info) "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please review people *Will chomps on a chocolate bunny then abandons it and licks his tootsie pop* 


	2. Lyra and me

"OUCH!" Lyra dropped heavily onto a bare patch of ground, she started to rub her bum to numb the pain a bit. She turned to her daemon, Pantalaimon (me! I'm the narrator), to see if she knew anything more than she did but apparently he knew as much as she did, being in the same body, "Soul, Author," I replied licking a grape, "What ever," the author replied, "Hmm..." hmm-ed Lyra, "I think I hava idea!" "Let's eat grapes!" I said, "Umm...not exactly what I was planning but...ok," said Lyra, I squealed and we ate grapes. Then after some time of eating grapes Lyra told me her idea she mentioned, "Munch," "Well, I was thinking cause we haven't traveled through the worlds in a long time..." Lyra went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on....you get the idea. Then I slept and dreamed about grapes, after like 24 hours Herminonie came over and said, "You sound just like me...". Then Pantalaimon had a great idea, which wasn't eating grapes *sniffle* "Since we're in a new world...why don't we go find Will and Kirjava!" "Ruddy brilliant!" snapped Lyra, "Well that's what I just said!" "Oh, well I least I didn't say a speech...come on Lyra we can't be fighting! We're in the same body!" "Soul," corrected Author, "WHO REALLY CARES!" shrieked I, "Let's just go find Will and Kirjava," I pronounced Kirjava with a sing-song voice, it was dreamy. "Let's go Pan...you're scaring me..." so that's how they went about to find Will and co. and Will and co. to find Lyra and co. 


End file.
